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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the Internet has a negative impact on society and people while other believe there are advantages to the internet. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the internet for people in society2

Nowadays, there is no denying the fact that many people spend their
time
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 using their phones. Some people believe that
this
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 phenomenon has a negative impact on people’s
time
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 and behaviour in society,
while
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 others strongly oppose
this
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 view.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from both points of view, and I will express my personal opinion. On the one hand, spending a long
time
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 using a phone without proper
time
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 management can negatively affect people’s memory.
For example
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, some students noted that when they spend long hours watching short videos, they can lose information easily and may become addicted to staying on their phones for extended periods.
Moreover
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, parents complain about how their children use the Internet for long hours, forget their studies, and do not have any activities.
On the other hand
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, the Internet provides many positive services these days and makes our lives easier and faster in different ways, especially in online learning in universities and schools.
This
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 helps students learn from different countries.
Furthermore
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, we can communicate with each other at any
time
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 and from anywhere.
Also
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, websites provide a lot of information about places, and we can read people’s experiences and feedback.
In addition
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, the government can communicate with citizens directly, and they can receive help in a short
time
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some people are afraid of
this
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 technology, I strongly believe that using the Internet is a positive development. It provides access to the world around us, allows communication with others, and enables everyone to share their opinions.
However
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, controlling
time
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 and using devices in a good way can help students, parents, teachers, and workers improve their lives.

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content
Add more clear and full details for each idea. Show how the internet helps or harms in a real life way, not only in general words.
structure
Make your view clear in the first para and keep it in all parts. Each paragraph should have a main idea that supports your view.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas connect. This will help flow and make the essay easier to read.
grammar
Check small mistakes in grammar and keep sentences simple to avoid errors. For example, agree verbs with nouns.
structure
Clear use of on the one hand and on the other hand.
content
The essay gives both sides and has a final opinion.
content
Some good examples of how the net helps with learning and talk with others.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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