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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

In the modern
world
Add a comma
world,
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 there is a global problem of certain animal species extinction;
in
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 even more of them rapidly decrease in population
coming
Punctuation problem
, coming
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 to
this
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 critical state. In my opinion, the main reasons for
this
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 are poaching and deforestation.
Firstly
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, poaching became viral more than a hundred years ago and brought significant financial benefits for hunters
due to
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 a lack of legal limitations for
this
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 process.
Thus
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, across many parts of the world, wild animals faced a
rapid
Punctuation problem
rapid,
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 massive cut in their number. As an example, the white rhinos almost went extinct
as a result
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 of
this
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 problem.
While
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this
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 type of
rhinos
Fix the agreement mistake
rhino
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 was completely common in Africa
in
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at
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 the beginning of the previous century, active illegal hunting resulted in the fact that nowadays there are only
several
Correct article usage
a several
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 representatives of them left on the Earth.
Moreover
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, a global use of wild forest trees for industrial goals brings
such
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 a crucial problem as
Correct article usage
the disappearence
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disappearence
Correct your spelling
disappearance
 of natural habitat for millions of creatures. Since selling wood made from the wild trees is highly profitable, businesses do not hesitate to cut large forest areas to obtain
a
Correct article usage
apply
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valuable material.
Therefore
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, the species that can live only in the forests have to move from their natural living areas,
while
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 plenty of them cannot endure
this
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 challenge and steadily reduce in population.
Nevertheless
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, there are existing solutions to the mentioned challenges. As for poaching, most of the developed countries strictly forbid
this
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 activity, giving either prison sentences or large fines to people who still tend to
illegaly
Rephrase
apply
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kill animals
without
Rephrase
illegally without
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 an appropriate hunting license.
For instance
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, in some states of the United
States
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States,
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 a person can receive a death sentence for killing a wild animal in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 national park. The solution to the decrease of natural habitat related to deforestation is a governmental restriction
of
Change preposition
on
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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illegal wood mining.
For example
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, in the European Union
this
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 process is highly regulated, so that it is extremely risky for businesses to conduct
such
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 kind of activity.
To sum up
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,
while
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 the consequences of
such
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 activities as poaching and deforestation are disastrous for the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of vast numbers of various living creatures, there are ways to prevent
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Applying strong regulations on both processes results in creating
a
Correct article usage
apply
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safe and healthy conditions for wild species not to go extinct and peacefully develop within their natural habitats.

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task response
Explain each main idea clearly and add more points with simple and real details. Check facts and stay fair about laws and tests.
coherence and cohesion
Make the text flow with clear links. Use short sentences and keep grammar simple. Correct spelling and word choice where needed.
content
The essay has a clear view and shows good effort with reasons and fix.
structure
There are good links like First, Moreover, Therefore to join ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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