IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart above compares 7 different kinds of activities that Chester youngsters spend their time
throughout
Change preposition
on throughout
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
week
Punctuation problem
week,
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 depicted in
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
per
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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week
Use synonyms
, covering 5
years
Use synonyms
 from 2002 to 2007. It is clearly seen that most of the
teenagers
Use synonyms
 had been spending a big part of their time in front of the TV, throughout these
years
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, doing entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as bowling was not always a preferable choice.
While
Linking Words
 people started to become more interested in going to the pub
close
Punctuation problem
, close
show examples
 to the
end
Use synonyms
 of the period. Chester
teenagers
Use synonyms
 lead a continuous activity in “Watching television”.
This
Linking Words
 particular activity always takes
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lead in these
years
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in 2002 average weekly time spent from the start of the year was 25
hours
Use synonyms
, and
in
Change preposition
apply
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2007 by
Correct word order
by 2007
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
, it reached a peak of 37
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
. Despite the less interest in Bowling, it started with
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
4
Change preposition
of 4
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hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 and went to a minimum of about one hour towards the
end
Use synonyms
 of the period. Watching DVDs,
however
Linking Words
, got much attention from
teenagers
Use synonyms
 in the year 2004 (about 18
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
).
Later
Change preposition
In later
show examples
years
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 particular activity saw a decrease
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as bowling. In
2002
Punctuation problem
2002,
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
 were spending about 7
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going to pubs,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend saw a continuous rise,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 doing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 relatively popular among people in the beginning
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 lost interest by the
end
Use synonyms
 of the period.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 shopping saw a continuous rise. In 2007, it reached about 15
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
among the
teenagers
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words week, hours, years, teenagers, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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