IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reason and solution?

There is a common belief that the extinction of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animal
species
Use synonyms
 is alarmingly alerted because of terrestrial and sea-related human
activities
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. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 issue is that
people
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 have to exploit the natural resources to survive.
Accordingly
Linking Words
,
governments
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 should take actions in terms of legal and
finance
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financial measures
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 in order to protect these animal
species
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the decreasing number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animal
species
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is resulted
Wrong verb form
results
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 from humans' need to compete against each other and other
species
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 for food and territory resources. In the past, the population of the world was much less than it is nowadays.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
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 did not have to invade other
species
Use synonyms
' habitats to survive.
However
Linking Words
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society evolves, the world becomes densely populated.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a demand for
people
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 to find more land to reside in and more food to consume.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they begin to cut down forests to build houses,
as well as
Linking Words
 kill more animals living on land and in
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
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 for staples.
By
Change preposition
In
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this
Linking Words
 way, humans gradually
destruct
Verb problem
destroy
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 the habitats of the animals and pose a threat to the animals' survival.
In other words
Linking Words
,
wild life
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wildlife
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 and marine life have been
destroyed severely
Correct word order
severely destroyed
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 by human
activities
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.
Due to
Linking Words
 the detrimental impacts that human
activities
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 have on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal
species
Use synonyms
, some solutions should be applied by
governments
Use synonyms
 in order to reduce those negative effects. One of the most effective ways to cope with
this
Linking Words
 problem is imposing stricter regulations on
human exploiting
Use the right word
human-exploiting
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activities
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, fines on unlawful actions of logging companies should be increased to deter and educate other
people
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the legal framework of some
preserving
Replace the word
preserved
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 locations should
also
Linking Words
 be expanded so their growth can be boosted.
For example
Linking Words
, the
governments
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 can budget more for
this
Linking Words
 section.
As a result
Linking Words
, more available animal
species
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 can be preserved
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 more new ones can be reproduced.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the demand to survive of mankind has put the animal
species
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 on the edge of extinction.
Accordingly
Linking Words
,
governments
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 should
imply
Verb problem
implement
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 effective policies on preventing illegal
exploiting
Replace the word
exploitation
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 actions and
conservating
Verb problem
conserving
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 the animal
species
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.

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task response
Make a clear plan. Say the cause first, then a linked solution for each cause.
coherence
Use more linking words to show flow, like first, also, but, so, therefore.
grammar
Fix bad grammar and word form. For example, use 'destroy' not 'destruct', 'wildlife' as one word, and 'habitats' not 'habits'.
lexical resource
Choose simple words and keep sentences short. Avoid long, hard phrases.
content
Give one good example for each big idea to show how a plan could work.
structure
Clear layout with an intro, body, and a conclusion.
content
The essay shows there are actions that people can take and laws or money can help.
coherence
Some cause and effect is easy to see in parts of the text.
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