The chart below give information about a public library in a town called Little Chalfont.

The chart shows information about a public library called Little Chalfont.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
there is a majority of adults from 18 to 64 in
2016
Punctuation problem
2016,
show examples
with more than
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
half 51 %. Through
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
the biggest number of loans is adult fiction with 38%.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
there are a lot of children in the library
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
22 % close to ¼ is
also
Linking Words
the main category of books
Punctuation problem
, children
show examples
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
fiction
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
38 %. We can see that the number of young adults or teenagers is one of the
lesser
Replace the word
lowest
show examples
that can be explained by the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
show examples
of phones and the disconnection between reality and the virtual world .
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
the total number of loans is increasing between 2007 to 2016 from 15000 to 20000
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
than 5000 loans
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
big increase in a small town. So in fact
this
Linking Words
increase can be done by an improvement of the society which is more interested or popular .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: