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Writing Samples
Band 5

Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the internet is an innate component of every child's life. A massive amount of information can easily be gained through it, and people regularly debate the importance of school in
such
Linking Words
 a time.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees with the point of view that there is no need for schooling, as the
kid
Check wording
child
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 can be schooled at home using the Internet by giving valid reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the online world is not a safe place
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 parents cannot completely track the activity of their kids. Many studies
report
Verb problem
apply
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suggest that immature people can unknowingly visit adult websites, which they should not, and it can damage their psychological development process. There is
also
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 the risk of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder during the growing phase, as constant stimulus can hijack the dopamine system. Many world-renowned psychologists regularly warn about the harms of technological advancements and the way
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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grips
Correct subject-verb agreement
grip
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 the young audiences. There is
also
Linking Words
 the component of a healthy social interaction, which an individual needs during their growing phase.
This
Linking Words
 will form an important foundation for later years, and abolishing the traditional education system will severely hamper one in their development.
Additionally
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, one learns many real-life skills like handling conflicts, time management and developing relationships when operating in the real world. It will be a disgrace to anyone if they are not provided the opportunity to form them, as the hub of knowledge is a great place to master those skills.
Overall
Linking Words
, I truly believe that the traditional route of gaining knowledge is still best, based on all the points discussed above.

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strengthen argument
Add more clear facts and examples to back each point.
structure
Use simple signposts to link ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'in addition'.
language
Check word choice and fix error phrases so ideas sound natural.
conclusion
End with a clear restatement of your view in one sentence.
task response
Clear view against the idea, which matches the task.
coherence
Paragraphs show a basic order of ideas.
reasoning
Gives good reasons on social skills and real life learning.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
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