IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to befast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What shouldbe done to solve this problem?

Use synonyms
Extinction
Correct article usage
The extinction
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 is becoming a severe problem. Meanwhile, the number of endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 growing rapidly. There are two main reasons for the situation, and practical measures can be taken to address it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the dominant reason causing animal
extinction
Use synonyms
 is the
loss
Use synonyms
 of habitats.
Due to
Linking Words
 the need
of developing
Change preposition
to develop
show examples
 human society, the sphere of human activity has expanded, which takes up places where
animals
Use synonyms
 live.
For example
Linking Words
, deforestation triggered by the increasing need for crops causes habitat
loss
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 for
animals
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 dwelling in forests. The
loss
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 of habitats threatens
animals
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’ basic living needs, leading to
extinction
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
climate
Use synonyms
 change
also
Linking Words
 puts
animals
Use synonyms
’ lives at risk. The carbon emission of human society adds
excessive
Correct article usage
an excessive
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 amount of greenhouse gas into the atmosphere, which leads to global warming.
As a result
Linking Words
, changes occur to the
climate
Use synonyms
 that
animals
Use synonyms
used
Verb problem
are used
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 to be familiar with.
For instance
Linking Words
, icebergs in the North Pole are continuously melting, leaving
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 and
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
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 for the polar bear, causing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 death rate for them.
Therefore
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,
climate
Use synonyms
 change contributes a lot to the
extinction
Use synonyms
 of
animals
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. Two solutions could help
according to
Linking Words
 the causes. One is to regulate
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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.
This
Linking Words
 will keep the population under control, so people will stop using
animals
Use synonyms
’ habitats for
further
Linking Words
 development. By doing
this
Linking Words
, the number of
animals
Use synonyms
 will increase because of having
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 place to live. Another is to encourage
low-carbon
Correct article usage
a low-carbon
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 lifestyle. Regulations should be introduced to limit private cars in order to alleviate global warming, so that the
climate
Use synonyms
 will be comfortable for
animals
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the population of
animals
Use synonyms
 will rise. In conclusion, the
extinction
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 can be caused by habitat
loss
Use synonyms
 and
climate
Use synonyms
 change, which
relate
Wrong verb form
are related
show examples
 to human activities.
However
Linking Words
, by controlling
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
 and promoting
low-carbon
Correct article usage
a low-carbon
show examples
 lifestyle, the situation can be alleviated.

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task response
For task response, give two clear causes and two clear solutions. Add a short closing sentence that says your view.
grammar
Fix grammar and word form where needed. Watch plural of 'emission', 'habitat', and similar words.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and compare. Examples: first, then, also, finally.
development
Add more detail or evidence for each idea so the answer feels full.
accuracy
Check word choice and spelling to keep plain style.
structure
Clear structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
content
Idea is on topic and moves from cause to solution.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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