IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Does the advantage of this for individuals outweigh the disadvantage for the environment?

There is an ongoing debate about people's tendency to use their own
cars
Use synonyms
 in developing countries.
While
Linking Words
 I believe that
this
Linking Words
 desire offers convenience for individuals, it can pose a wide range of detrimental consequences to the natural
environment
Use synonyms
, so the disadvantages of the development for the
environment
Use synonyms
 outweigh the advantages of
this
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 for individuals.
To begin
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 with, using personal vehicles leads to serious challenges for society, including increasing the level of air pollution, the consumption of fossil fuels, and the amount of traffic congestion. These issues are responsible for reducing public health and causing economic problems in communities. A pertinent example is Iran, where people,
due to
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 poor public transport systems, prefer to utilise their own
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
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 shift has led to diminishing air quality and increasing illness there.
Hence
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,
such
Linking Words
 issues are the main factor in destroying the natural
environment
Use synonyms
 all around the world.
Furthermore
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,
cars
Use synonyms
 emit toxic gas, which
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 combination with
water
Punctuation problem
water,
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 produces acid rain.
This
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 form of rain has detrimental effects on farmlands and underground freshwater. These challenges directly result in serious public health challenges and threaten wildlife's survival, which has become a pressing concern in today's modern era. As an example, farmlands situated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close
distance
Check wording
proximity
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 power stations have gradually lost their fertility.
This
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 problem stems from the combination of acids with important elements in soil, including Zn, Cu, and Mg.
Thus
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, because of
such
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 issues that using personal
cars
Use synonyms
 offers, the
environment
Use synonyms
 faces a cycle of detrimental outcomes. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 reliance on one's own car makes life more comfortable, the wave of drawbacks acts as a barrier that makes
this
Linking Words
 practice unreasonable.
Consequently
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, it is essential to use public transport systems and for policymakers to carry out measures to encourage people to abandon
this
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 habit.

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planning
Plan your answer with a clear plan before writing. Start with a short view, then give two or three reasons, and end with a short wrap up.
content
Give more proof. Use facts or data when you can and make clear links between ideas.
coherence
Make your sentences shorter and use simple link words to join ideas better.
task
The writer shows a clear view on the issue.
content
There is a real life example used to back the idea.
coherence
Some good linking and flow in the text.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban sprawl
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable transport
  • convenience
  • infrastructure development
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • greenhouse gases
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
  • environmental sustainability
  • individual mobility
  • quality of life
  • automotive industry
  • climate change
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