IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competition
Use synonyms
 is something that we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
hinder
Verb problem
avoid
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In every stage of
life
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 will face
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
, not only
compete
Wrong verb form
competing
show examples
 with one another, but
also
Linking Words
 with ourselves. In my opinion, ambition was one of many aspects that keep
motivates
Wrong verb form
motivating
show examples
 a person to grow and go
further
Linking Words
 in
life
Use synonyms
, which
acquired
Verb problem
was acquired
show examples
 during competing.
However
Linking Words
, when it comes to competitiveness, there were
a
Correct article usage
both
show examples
 healthy and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toxic
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to define the outcome of
competition
Use synonyms
is
Use the right word
as
show examples
 whether winning or losing,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it was actually not the only result. The process of preparing for a
competition
Use synonyms
 is often overlooked
, gaining
Punctuation problem
. Gaining
show examples
 soft skills, hard skills, and mental development are the most rewarding
price
Use the right word
prizes
show examples
 from
competition
Use synonyms
 because
the
Correct article usage
no
show examples
 other
can't
Correct your spelling
can
 take
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from you. In accordance
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that, some
people
Use synonyms
 look
Use synonyms
competition
Change preposition
at competition
show examples
 as a motivation to keep growing as a human being. If the competitors have the same mindset, a healthy
competition
Use synonyms
 will be achieved and will lead to healthy outcomes,
such
Linking Words
 as meaningful
life
Use synonyms
 lessons and real-world experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the field Another opinion,
competition
Use synonyms
 is an action to bring each other down rather than focusing on
theirselves
Use the right word
themselves
show examples
. Considering there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who thought
Use synonyms
competition
Change preposition
of competition
show examples
 as a place to prove themselves, they might find every possible way to win,
such
Linking Words
 as cheating.
This
Linking Words
 is when a contest becomes toxic and not
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a chance to develop their skills.
Hence
Linking Words
, there are some
people
Use synonyms
opiniate
Verb problem
who argue
show examples
 that we should try to cooperate more rather than being against each other to prevent someone's getting hurt. In conclusion,
competition
Use synonyms
 has
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own pros and cons, which
were depending
Wrong verb form
depend
show examples
 on perspective and how a person
handle
Correct subject-verb agreement
handles
show examples
 it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Use a clear plan: show both views, then give your own view clearly.
structure
Make each paragraph begin with a clear main idea and add a small example or reason after.
vocabulary
Choose simple and common words; avoid long, hard phrases.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling to make the text easier to read.
content
The essay shows both sides and gives a final view.
support
Examples like cheating show how people may act in a contest.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: