IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Life
Use synonyms
 expectancy
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing in countries around the world. The ageing population represents some
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 that
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tend to be overlooked,
such
Linking Words
 as
the ones
Use the right word
those
show examples
 that support a person's
Use synonyms
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
quality. Good health systems, good regulations on work, and good infrastructures are some of
many
Correct article usage
the many
show examples
 factors that increase
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 directly prolong
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some people have a view that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
show examples
 for the governments. In their age, the productivity of seniors might significantly decrease than in their younger age.
This
Linking Words
 might contribute economically by the
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 income they can produce.
Also
Linking Words
, in
acordance
Correct your spelling
accordance
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their age, there are some
body's
Check wording
bodily
show examples
 functions
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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as not
Correct word order
not as
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 prime as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
, and may lead to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 health burden
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the governments.  Despite the potential burden, the
forementioned
Use the right word
aforementioned
show examples
 reason of increasing
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
show examples
 that these burdens are less likely to happen. Having a
secured
Correct word choice
secure
show examples
 financial and
retiring
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
 plan that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 supported by the government's regulation,
lessen
Correct subject-verb agreement
lessens
show examples
 the probability of the problem happening.
Instead
Linking Words
, it might be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The elderly have more experience in
life
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have been through
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 different eras,
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them
most
Replace the word
more
show examples
 likely to appreciate history. The traditional culture and traditions are the most
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 aspects. Without senior citizens who preserve the culture and traditions, there will be a lot of forgotten
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
. Especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when
documentations
Fix the agreement mistake
documentation
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 still hardly accessible for everyone, word of mouth, personal notes, and personal belongings are the only evidence to tell the history of a region or even a country. In conclusion, elder citizens and the ancestors are the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 who shape the cultural aspect of a country. Younger generations are getting less interested in preserving traditional culture and traditions
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
hence
Linking Words
, we need the elderly to help us build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness.

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task response
Plan your answer with a clear view. State your main view at the end of the intro and keep it in mind as you write.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph and use short links like first, next, also, but, so to show how ideas go from one to the next.
content
Add one or two simple examples for each main idea and use easy words to explain them.
structure
The essay tries to show both sides and the idea that old people can help culture.
content
There is an ending that sums up the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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