IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, young people do not take care of their elderly relatives, instead, they appoint trained professionals who take care of the elderly. Is it a positive or negative trend according to you?

In some nations, the new generation do not
care
Use synonyms
 of their parents or grandparents,
instead
Linking Words
 of taking
care
Use synonyms
 of them, they hire trained professionals to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my own perspective, I believe that we must
make
Verb problem
strike
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 a balance. You owe them. Regarding the fact that they have spent lots and lots of money
at
Change preposition
on
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 you for teaching, feeding, and
housing
Punctuation problem
housing,
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 you can’t just abandon them even if you are busy. You must give them some of your time as they gave you. I am not saying that you have to stay with them all of the time. You might hire a nanny to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them without taking them out of the
home
Use synonyms
 because their
presence
Use synonyms
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 some kind and love in the
home
Use synonyms
, so people should not take them to
nursing
Correct article usage
a nursing
show examples
home
Use synonyms
. Another thing that I believe is important for their
presence
Use synonyms
 in the
home
Use synonyms
 is
growing
Verb problem
raising
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 the children. As we
know
Punctuation problem
know,
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 the elderly people tend to be wiser, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 their
presence
Use synonyms
 in the
home
Use synonyms
 important for teaching children valuable traits
such
Linking Words
 as honesty, generosity and tolerance. All of these things are not being taught in schools despite
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 high importance for children to learn and understand. In conclusion, the
presence
Use synonyms
 of elderly people around us is important, but if we are busy, we can hire someone
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them without taking them out of
Use synonyms
home
Correct pronoun usage
their home
show examples
. And we must
also
Linking Words
 spend some time with them.

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task response
For task response, state your clear view in the first line and end with a clear result. Add two or three firm reasons to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use a clear order: intro, body with each idea in its own paragraph, and a short conclusion. Use linking words to tie ideas together.
strength
The essay shows you want a balance between time with elders and care by others.
strength
You give ideas on how elders can teach good traits and on the value of home care.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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