There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that

student's

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students'

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academic performance is negatively affected by unrelated

subjects

Use synonyms

Although

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they cannot provide a chance to be academically

sucessful

Correct your spelling

successful

, they should not be undermined. I totally disagree with

this

Linking Words

idea. In

this

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essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I provide my own point of view and

adress

Correct your spelling

address

both

side

Fix the agreement mistake

sides

show examples

of the argument. On the one hand, it is true that a number of

subjects

Use synonyms

may be unnecessary in terms of academic perspective,

such

Linking Words

as physical training

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

and cookery.

For instance

Linking Words

, a student cannot attend all

subjects

Use synonyms

simultaneously,

as a

Linking Words

result

Punctuation problem

result,

show examples

they are likely to lose their concentration on

specific

Correct article usage

a specific

show examples

subject.

Although

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the majority of learners have to study compulsory

subjects

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

is highly likely to make them having mental fatigue

while

Linking Words

coping with stress-related issues,

due to

Linking Words

overwhelming, demanding,

distressing

Correct word choice

and distressing

show examples

tasks and deadlines.

Thus

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, the removal the unrelated

subjects

Use synonyms

may support

students

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students'

show examples

performance.

On the other hand

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, the reason why these academic and non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

are taught at schools is

because

Change preposition

that

show examples

youngsters should not only perform better academically but

also

Linking Words

engage in labour jobs after graduating

Change preposition

from schools

show examples

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

. Take

Punctuation problem

, as

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

example of

blue collar

Use the right word

blue-collar

show examples

workers

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

they are supposed to learn all

subjects

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

yet

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, yet

show examples

they will have different

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

career

Correct article usage

the career

show examples

ladder. They may not be

genius

Use the right word

geniuses

show examples

in terms of logic

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

however

Linking Words

, they are needed in society.

In other words

Linking Words

witout

Correct your spelling

without

learning non-academical

subjects

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or PT

lessons

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lessons,

show examples

they might not have physical

strenth

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strength

show examples

, and an ability to cook a meal, so it is vital to balance all

subjets

Use the right word

subjects

show examples

school

Use synonyms

To conclude

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although

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young learners are struggling to learn all

subjects

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

, it is not possible to remove non-academic ones

due to

Linking Words

their significance to society later. I totally disagree with

this

Linking Words

idea.

daminovnurali007

Dec 18, 2025

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task

State your view clearly in the first line of the intro and keep it in all your points.

structure

Use one main idea in each paragraph and end with a clear link to the next idea.

content

Make your points clear and simple. If you say removal helps, show how and make it fit your view.

language

Use short, plain sentences and fix grammar mistakes to make ideas easier to follow.

structure

End with a short conclusion that restates your view and does not add new ideas.

stance

You take a clear view that you do not want removal of non‑academic subjects.

content

You give some reason and a small example in support of your view.

structure

There is an introduction that shows your plan.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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