The chart below shows the total number of minutes and billions of calls in the UK divided into three categories from 1995-2002

The bar graph presents key information about the number of
minutes
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of telephone calls in England, Wales and Scotland, separated into 3 types, during 1995 to 2000
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
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it
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is clear from the chart that
local-fixed
Correct article usage
the local-fixed
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line
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is the highest time consumer throughout the entire period.
In addition
Linking Words
, both national and
international-fixed
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international fixed-line
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line
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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and
mobiles
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mobile
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numbers of
minutes
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continued to rise year by year until 2002,
whereas
Linking Words
local-fixed
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local
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line
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started and kept dropping by the year 2000 to 2002 after the great increase it had.
According to
Linking Words
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the graph shown, the amount of
spent
Correct word order
minutes spent
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minutes
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in
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on
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local-fixed
line
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witnessed a peak from nearly 73
billion
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minutes
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to 90
billion
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minutes
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, from 1995 to 1999, respectively;
while
Linking Words
in 2000,
number
Correct article usage
the number
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of
minutes
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started to fall continuously until it reached nearly 75
billion
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minutes
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. In terms of the growing amount of time spent
while
Linking Words
using national and
international-fixed
Use the right word
international fixed-line
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line
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and
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
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.
Check wording
phones.
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Mobiles
where
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were
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the least used in early years,
it reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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almost 5
billion
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minutes
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in 1995, but kept on growing through the following years until
2002
Punctuation problem
2002,
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by 45
billion
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minutes
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. National and international- fixed
line
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, began with almost 40billion
minutes
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consumed in 1995, and ended with an increase
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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by
Change preposition
of
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nearly 62
billion
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minutes
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in 2002.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, line, billion with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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