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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views.

Nowadays, many aspects of life have changed compared to the past, and
one
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 of the most influential changes is the rise of
creating
Verb problem
apply
show examples
zoos
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. Some people think that
zoos
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 are a
goad
Use the right word
good
show examples
 idea,
while
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 others disagree and believe it may lead to adverse ramifications.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view.
To begin
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 with, creating
zoos
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 is a good idea, because there are several benefits for
zoos
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.
Firstly
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, it keeps
animals
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 in a suitable environment,
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Correct word choice
and also
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also it
Correct word order
it also
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 avoids some dangers
such
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 as hunting.
In other words
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,
zoos
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 save species of
animals
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.
For example
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, there are some
animals
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 that have become extinct, and only a few remain preserved in
zoos
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.
Secondly
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,
one
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 reason for
zoos
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 is education. It can be possible to say that visiting
zoos
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 is
one
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 of the facilities for studying.
In addition
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, children could know many
of
Change preposition
apply
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animals
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 at
zoos
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, because they collect many
animals
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 in
one
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 place.
Finally
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,
zoos
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 consider tending for people , especially children , for entertainment,
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 it is
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
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 place for them.
On the other hand
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,
zoos
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 could prevent
animals
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 from living freely, since
one
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 of
characteristics
Correct article usage
the characteristics
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 of
animals
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 is living without restrictions.
Moreover
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, it may have effects on
animals
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, because in
zoos
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 there is usually
one
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 routine, which may negatively affect the lives of
animals
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.
For instance
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, some
animals
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 ,
such
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 as lions and tigers, seek to get food by relying on themselves. The research and studies prove that
animals
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 are similar to humans. By way of conclusion, there are some benefits of
zoos
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such
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 as education and saving
animals
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, but they may have some drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Link ideas more tightly and give more detail for each point to show clear balance.
content
Give more examples for each view; use clear cases.
grammar
Check grammar and word choice; use easy words only.
conclusion
End with a short conclusion that repeats the view and sums up the points.
content
Plan is clear at the start.
structure
Each side is shown in separate paragraphs.
coherence
Some linking words show a contrast (To begin with, On the other hand).
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
What to do next:
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