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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that famous celebrities are poor role models for teenagers, while others think they can be a source of inspiration. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of celebrities as a role models for young people.

Many
people
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 argue whether
celebrities
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 are inspiring role models for
teenagers
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
celebrities
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 can have a negative impact on young
people
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. So what are the advantages and disadvantages for
teenagers
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 from the world icons?
Firstly
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, the biggest advantage for
teenagers
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 is that
celebrities
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 become
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 inspiration for doing something.
Teenagers
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 are often scared to try new hobbies, feel, or hear new
things
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 like music. Stars can make us improve our skills faster by giving tips and motivation.To illustrate
this
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 point, let's imagine there is a young boy who
always
Verb problem
has always
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 dreamed about becoming a football star. His parents and coach destroyed him by saying that he is too weak, too slow. Famous football players like Ronaldo or Messi can inspire him to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
start focusing and working on his dreams! There is
also
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 another big advantage
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 says that
celebrities
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 can teach us new
things
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, like how to use some programs, how to volunteer in some charities, spread support, tolerance, optimism and get over problems and obstacles.
For example
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, let’s imagine a famous singer who always says something at her concerts to support Ukraine. There would be more
people
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 who think about that and how they can help.
Secondly
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, the negative side for
teenagers
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form
Use the right word
from
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 world stars is that
celebrities
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 sometimes can make us feel worthless. Maybe our body doesn't look as good as theirs
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 our style is much
more simple
Correct word choice
simpler
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. Some
things
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 that we see on
our
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 role
models
Check wording
models'
show examples
 Instagram accounts can cause us
eating
Verb problem
to develop eating
show examples
 disorders like bulimia
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 because we think they have a better life than us.
For example
Linking Words
, let's imagine a woman who follows Kylie Jenner on social media. She is her role model. When she sees her perfect body, she gets jealous and feels disappointed for not being like her. She loses self-control, admiration for her. Another negative thing is that there are a lot of famous
people
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 on social media who can make a wrong impact on
teenagers
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 with their crazy thoughts and single-mindedness, leading to self-obsession. Sometimes influencers do crazy challenges like robbing a bank or even killing someone.
For example
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, there is
this
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 Lithuanian “star” called Maybach, who has had a really bad impact on young kids. He does crazy, unbelievable, and lame
things
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 like drinking oil, tattooing his face, and trolling
people
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 by calling them. For some
people
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,
this
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 is funny, but I think that
this
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 changes
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teenagers
Check wording
teenagers'
show examples
 perspective on life. In conclusion, I think that there are more disadvantages than advantages in
this
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 topic because we cannot control
celebrities
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 and their actions. Stars often set unrealistic standards for
teenagers
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, focusing too much on looks
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 us feel worthless.

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structure
Use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph and link ideas with simple words like also, but, and for example.
grammar
Watch grammar and word use. Some phrases are not right or are odd. Choose clear, common words.
content
You discuss both sides of the topic.
content
You give examples to show ideas.
content
The essay ends with a view and a short conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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