IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some societies, sports and entertainment figures are more valued than professionals such as doctors and teachers. Why is this the case, and do you consider it a positive or negative trend?

In many societies today, sports and entertainment celebrities are more valued than professionals like doctors and
teachers
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend happens for several reasons, and I believe it is negative for the future of young
people
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. The most important reason is the influence of the media, since celebrities and athletes frequently appear on television and
Tiktok
Use the right word
TikTok
show examples
, which creates a strong impact on daily life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their followers generate a high quantity of money, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 their popularity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the easy accessibility and interaction with these figures make us forget about the important professionals in the world. The main problem
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation is the poor impact celebrities have
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our lives, as their videos only show funny situations and irrelevant tips.
On the other hand
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,
teachers
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 play a crucial role in teaching young
people
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 to watch celebrities’ videos in a critical way. Valuing doctors and
teachers
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 more would make a more educated and intelligent society, which would be beneficial for everyone. From my point of view, young
people
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 need education and guidance to find a good path to prevent negative influences on their personal development. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 trend is negative. They should use social media only in
little
Correct word choice
small
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 doses to stay informed, not depend on them.
In addition
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,
teachers
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 and doctors are the most important
people
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 for the correct development of society. Without them, we wouldn’t receive education and values to be great athletes who can obtain fame. In conclusion, social media figures are more trendy because nowadays information is the biggest business in the world.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 is a mistake because the really relevant
people
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 are the professionals who guide us and educate us.

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task response
Give one clear answer to the question with a strong end line. Add more small facts or simple examples to back each idea.
coherence
Put a clear main idea in each paragraph. Use simple link words like First, Also, Then, But, So, Finally to show how ideas link.
coherence
Avoid repeating the same phrase. Use a steady order of ideas and a simple plan for the essay.
grammar
Check small grammar and make sentences clear. Short sentences help, and use standard tag endings.
task response
The view on the issue is clear and stated fairly early.
coherence
The writer tries to give causes and effects and ends with a conclusion.
structure
Some linking words are used to show flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • value
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • teachers
  • sports
  • entertainment
  • figures
  • income
  • money
  • media
  • coverage
  • important
  • children
  • young people
  • success
  • fame
  • careers
  • traditional
  • jobs
  • appealing
  • idolize
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