IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many aspects of life have changed compared to the past, and one of the most influential changes is the rise of various
majors
Use synonyms
 at
universities
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that
universities
Use synonyms
 must accept
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 number of
genders
Check wording
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 in every subject.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 issue and present my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I think it is not possible to select
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 number of
students
Use synonyms
 in all
majors
Use synonyms
, because there are many reasons for that.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some jobs need
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
better
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 in female hospitals and
children
Check wording
apply
show examples
caring,
while
Linking Words
 other jobs rather
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males more
show examples
 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 soldiers and others.
Hence
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the organization
show examples
organization
Use the right word
organisation's
show examples
 education should not accept equal
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
man
Use the right word
male
show examples
 and women
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in every subject.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
' desire could play main major role in that, so there are many elements
affect
Correct pronoun usage
that affect
show examples
 that
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as culture, future jobs, technology and others.
For example
Linking Words
, in advanced countries, many
students
Use synonyms
 tend to modern occupations
such
Linking Words
 as technology, but
Change preposition
in others
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 country may to traditional like agriculture.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is not fair
Use synonyms
gender
Verb problem
to consider gender
show examples
 as a factor in
acceptable
Replace the word
acceptance
show examples
 at university.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
universities
Use synonyms
 accept equal
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 in some
majors
Use synonyms
 will probably decrease.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
majors
Use synonyms
 tend to
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 one
gender
Use synonyms
 over another.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
universities
Use synonyms
 accept equal
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
genders
Correct pronoun usage
both genders
show examples
, it would give equal
gender
Use synonyms
 opportunities. So,
this
Linking Words
 idea may be useful in
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 occupation between
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
show examples
 on sex. By way of conclusion, I disagree with equal
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in every major.

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tip
Plan your essay with a clear start, a plan in the middle, and a short end.
tip
Put 2 or 3 main ideas. Each idea has a simple example.
tip
Link ideas with easy words like and, but, also, however.
weakness
Use the right form of words, for example 'equal numbers of male and female students'.
tip
Check the spell and make grammar clean so you are easy to read.
strength
You set a clear view on the issue.
strength
You try to use linking words to show how ideas go together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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