IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it. how true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching progammes and films about it? give reasons for your answers an include any revelant exapmles from your own experience?

It is believed that watching a particular
country
Use synonyms
's television shows
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 understand the
country
Use synonyms
 more than visiting it in person. I do not think it is true. There are several aspects of national culture, like local traditions and street
food
Punctuation problem
food,
show examples
 that can only be revealed by visiting it and would not be possible by merely watching their channels. Every region has its own unique way of living. Most television shows depict a general idea of society
that is
Linking Words
 globally recognised.
Athough
Correct your spelling
Although
 it helps us understand the major difference in their culture, it does not give us an insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their daily livelihood.
For instance
Linking Words
,
KPOP
Correct your spelling
K-pop
 from South Korea is widely known, but what about other forms of entertainment people use? There is not much
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 shown in the shows. It would need us to visit and stay in the
country
Use synonyms
 to discover more. To answer the second question, regional festivities are not usually captured by mainstream
story writers
Use the right word
storytellers
show examples
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the shows cover big cities and general traditions. To unravel the local celebrations, it is
imminent
Correct word choice
imperative
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that one should physically go to that
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
. Diwali and Holi are
well aquinted
Correct your spelling
well-acquainted
 festivals of India, but Gudi
padwa
Fix capitalization
Padwa
show examples
, which is widely celebrated in the
Maharashtran
Correct your spelling
Maratha
 region of India, could only be discovered on a visit.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, street food is different from one place to another. It would be difficult to cover them all on screen.
This
Linking Words
 experience is not possible virtually.
Thus
Linking Words
, TV programmes can only give a glimpse of a region's culture, it
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not cover
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all the aspects. True knowledge and understanding will only be acquired by staying
amoungst
Correct your spelling
amongst
 the citizens sharing their lifestyle.

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Task Response
Your essay argues against the idea that TV can fully show a country. To improve, give a clear answer to both questions and add more personal experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the main idea in each paragraph clear with a topic sentence. Use more linking words to connect ideas and keep a smooth flow.
Grammar
Check spell and grammar. Fix easy errors like 'Athough', 'acquinted', 'amoungst', and use 'although' and 'acquainted' correctly.
Task Response
Give more specific and varied examples. Say how visiting helps learn food, people, and daily life in detail and contrast with TV.
Coherence
End with a sentence that restates your view and sum up the idea.
Strength
The view is clear and you state your mind on the topic.
Strength
You give examples of real places and festivals.
Strength
The essay has a start and end part.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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