IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negetive effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advanteges?

nowadays
Fix capitalization
Nowadays
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,
Ecectronic
Correct your spelling
electronic
 devices
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 more important in
everyones
Check wording
everyone's
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life
Use synonyms
.
some
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Some
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people
Use synonyms
 argue that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 various benefits
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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competitor
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competitors
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 think that mobile
phones
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 contain drawbacks .
i
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I
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 will discuss my
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
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 in the upcoming paragraphs with relevant
examaples
Correct your spelling
examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Punctuation problem
with,
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 the merits of electronic devices,Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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peoples
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people's
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life
Use synonyms
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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easier in
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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 fast
paced
Use the right word
fast-paced
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 urban
life
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 can communicate with their loved ones by
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
phones
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phone
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 as they can
do
Verb problem
apply
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talk with overseas.
Due to
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 busy
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough time to go outside for
the
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apply
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shopping
so
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, so
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 they can buy anything with just one click
in
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on
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 their
phones
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, whenever
poeple
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people
going
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go
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 outside with their
freinds
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friends
 and family
members
Punctuation problem
members,
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then
Linking Words
 they can capture that beautiful moment by clicking
alot
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a lot
 of pictures and making videos.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 get to know about current affairs which are going on in their
surrounding
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surroundings
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.
it
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It
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 could be possible within
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 minutes
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 anyone can access anything if they
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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a
Correct article usage
an
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 electronic
devices
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device
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.
Linking Words
on
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On
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 the other hand, there are many disadvantages of having mobile
phones
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but
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, but
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 the first are foremost is
overusage
Correct article usage
the overusage
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 of electronic
device
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devices
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.
Linking Words
for
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For
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 example,
some times
Use the right word
sometimes
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people
Use synonyms
 indulge themselves more in mobile
phones
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. They are spending
their most of
Correct word order
most of their
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 time
in
Change preposition
apply
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using mobiles
instead
Linking Words
 of doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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inportant
Correct your spelling
important
 tasks, which is totally wrong.
Linking Words
to
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To
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 conclude, no doubt mobile
phones
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 are very helpful for us
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 we cannot deny
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 demerits
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 must
have to
Verb problem
apply
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know about the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 behind more usage of
mobiles
Verb problem
using mobiles
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 .
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that mobiles
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more advantages than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages.

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task
Make your view clear in the start and end the essay with a clear decision.
structure
Use clear blocks of text. Each paragraph should hold one idea.
language
Fix errors in spelling and grammar to help the reader see your point.
content
Add more concrete examples to back each idea.
coherence
Use linking words like also, but, and, in addition to help flow.
idea
You try to show both sides of the idea.
planning
You give real life use of phones as examples.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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