IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that being older in this modern world is entirely bad, while others think that people's lives nowadays is much better than in the past. Discuss both of view

A group of
people
Use synonyms
 think that being
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
faced-paced
Use the right word
fast-paced
show examples
 era is totally bad
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
,
apponents
Correct your spelling
opponents
 believe that
Use synonyms
people's
Check wording
people
show examples
 living in
todays
Check wording
today's
show examples
 world are
muh
Correct your spelling
much
 happier.
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both the views with respective examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, advancement in technology is the main reason.
For example
Linking Words
, as we
know
Punctuation problem
know,
show examples
 technology is growing day by
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 so many features are going to
add
Wrong verb form
be added
show examples
 on
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 in mobile phones,
dishwahers
Correct your spelling
dishwashers
 and
oven
Fix the agreement mistake
ovens
show examples
.So,
this
Linking Words
 is difficult for elders to use
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of things without guidance
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 nobody will be there
for helping
Change preposition
to help
show examples
 them
due to
Linking Words
 busy
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Everyone
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
show examples
 schedule .
Thus
Linking Words
, sometimes
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 feel alone because they do not have anyone to talk with .
sometimes
Fix capitalization
Sometimes
show examples
 they can get mentally
dispressed
Correct your spelling
depressed
.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
 the other hand,
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 management system is really
advance
Correct word choice
advanced
show examples
 in
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
Punctuation problem
. People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are in the third stage of life may have better
health
Use synonyms
 facilities. As we know
Punctuation problem
, elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from various
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
health
Use synonyms
isuues
Correct your spelling
issues
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 era
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 can have their family doctor who gives them
peoper
Correct your spelling
proper
health
Use synonyms
treatment
Punctuation problem
treatment,
show examples
 by which
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can overcome
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Use synonyms
health related
Use the right word
health-related
show examples
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my
friends
Check wording
friends'
show examples
grandmother
Fix the agreement mistake
grandmothers
show examples
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suffered from cancer
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they consulted with the surgeon
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 by taking good
Correct your spelling
treatment
tratment
Punctuation problem
tratment,
show examples
 she
conquer
Wrong verb form
conquered
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that issue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 she is physically fit now.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 conclude, no doubt
Punctuation problem
, elder
show examples
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 many difficulties in using
techmical
Correct your spelling
technical
 gadgets
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the good thing is they
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 great
health
Use synonyms
 treatment nowadays as compared to the past. I think that
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can manage with the technology
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they cannot
compromised
Wrong verb form
compromise
show examples
 with their
health
Use synonyms
.

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organization
Plan your essay with a clear start, body, and end. Say your view first, then discuss the other side, and finish with a short end.
task response
Give two or more clear ideas for each side so the view is balanced.
language
Keep grammar simple. Use short, clear sentences. Check spelling and word form.
coherence
Use better linking words to connect ideas, like 'however', 'in addition', and 'for example'.
content
Use more than one example, not only one personal story.
task response
The essay tries to discuss both views.
coherence
There are linking words like 'to begin with' and 'on the other hand'.
content
A real life example is used.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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