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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table gives information about the total
population
Use synonyms
 in New York City, with all five
districts
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the years 1800, 1900, and 2000. The other two
table
Fix the agreement mistake
tables
show examples
.present the number and its percentage of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 and other
districts
Use synonyms
 (Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) in the same years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 increased throughout the period
on
Change preposition
in
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 every
Use synonyms
districts
Fix the agreement mistake
district
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, except in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
.
New
Correct article usage
The New
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 York City
population
Use synonyms
 started at 79, 216 lives in 1800 and grew more than thirty times more than the first period in 1990,
then
Linking Words
 it soared to approximately 8
billions
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billion
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 residents in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 began with 60,515 and 76% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in the year 1800. The
population
Use synonyms
 rate kept rising to 1,850,093 lives in 1900
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 with just 54% of the total
population
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2000, the
population
Use synonyms
 in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 decreased to around 1.5
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
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 people, with 19% of the
population
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 in other
districts
Use synonyms
 had only 18,701 residents and 24% of the total
population
Use synonyms
 in 1800,
then
Linking Words
 it had a major increase to 1,587,109 people, with 46%
proportion
Check wording
population
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 in 1900.
This
Linking Words
 number continuously increased to over 6
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
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 residents and 81% of the total percentage in 2000

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, districts, manhattan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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