IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: "Some people argue that governments should make healthy food cheaper and unhealthy food more expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

It is often argued that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should increase
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
 and make healthy meals affordable.The writer strongly agrees with the notion
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and
this
Linking Words
 essay will give reasons for that in subsequent paragraphs. First of all,the main reason why healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 should be made cheaper is to help reduce mortality rates in the country.In recent times,many deaths
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 associated with unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
.Many
individuals
Punctuation problem
individuals,
show examples
 especially youngsters,refer to
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 fast
foods
Use synonyms
 due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 low cost of
such
Linking Words
foods
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 lifestyle significantly increases death in our society since these meals cause health complications.Examples are obesity,high blood pressure,high blood sugar and many more.
A research
Correct determiner usage
Research
show examples
 conducted in Cape
coast
Fix capitalization
Coast
show examples
 Teaching
hospital
Fix capitalization
Hospital
show examples
 revealed that approximately 60% of deaths are
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a result of unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 vividly justifies the reason why
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should make unhealthy food expensive.
Secondly
Linking Words
,making healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 very cheap will help the economic
growth
Use synonyms
 of the society.
This
Linking Words
 is because many healthy
foods
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as fruits and
vegetables
Punctuation problem
vegetables,
show examples
 are cultivated and harvested in many countries.
As a result
Linking Words
,
monies
Check wording
the money
show examples
 acquired from these
foods
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 improve the economic
growth
Use synonyms
 of the nation.A good example is
Africa
Punctuation problem
Africa,
show examples
 where fruits
such
Linking Words
 as mango,orange,tomatoes and
lettuces
Fix the agreement mistake
lettuce
show examples
 and planted.Little money is needed by farmers to harvest these crops.
Therefore
Linking Words
,prices can be made low for every citizen to be able
purchase
Verb problem
to purchase
show examples
 them.
A research
Correct determiner usage
Research
show examples
 revealed that countries with low prices of healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 have good economic
Use synonyms
growth
Punctuation problem
growth,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others with expensive
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 of healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 have retarded economic
growth
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,affordable balanced diets will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
help reduce mortality rates and improve
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
 of the nation.

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Strength
Your view is clear and you show two main reasons to agree. Keep this stance in every part of your essay.
Content
Some ideas are not well shown. Add more facts or small proof to back each point.
Language
Check grammar and word choice. Use simple sentence grains and correct verb forms.
Coherence
Make better link words to join parts. Use good flow between ideas.
Task Response
Add a short counter idea or note to show you see other views, then explain why you still agree.
Task
Clear stance on the issue.
Structure
Two main ideas are used to support the view.
Structure
Intro and conclusion present.
Coherence
Some use of signpost words (First of all, Secondly, In conclusion).
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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