IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people buy a wide variety of electrical household goods like TV washing machine, refrigerators oven. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is irrefutably true that modern technology has fulfilled
human's
Check wording
human
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 life with comfort and opulence.
Although
Linking Words
 numerous individuals are spending on various daily-use electric appliances,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it is a debatable issue
either
Correct word choice
whether
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 it has merits or demerits. I completely agree
these
Correct word choice
that these
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 items have numerous benefits for
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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, for which
explanation
Check wording
reason
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 is there in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 paragraphs.
To begin
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, the first and foremost advantage is balancing work and family. In
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
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 era, every person is busy
in
Change preposition
apply
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doing office and household chores. They have less
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with family, and these
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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 of things help to save their
time
Use synonyms
 and energy. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can invest
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 into their relations.
Secondly
Linking Words
, garbage production has significantly reduced by using refrigerators. To be more precise, people can freeze food to prevent it
to be
Change preposition
from being
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 stolen. To exemplify, the University of Stanford revealed that wastage has decreased by 50%,
due to
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 the development of refrigerators.
Consequently
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, societies will have
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 neat and clean environment. To
further
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 reinforce
this
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 idea, televisions and other digital media play a vital role in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
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 mental well-being. Most of the younger generation is living alone
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 for the purpose of education and work.
For instance
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, if they watch television after school and work hours, they can relax their mind.
Hence
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, they will not feel depressed. Simultaneously, some people have
allergy
Correct article usage
an allergy
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from
Change preposition
to
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 washing detergents. Having washing machines in their homes, clothes can be washed without any allergic reaction.
As a result
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, these machines have made
life
Check wording
the lives
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 of many people easy. In conclusion, after taking all aspects into my consideration, I would like to emphasise that technology development is helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind in
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 way, as it not only saves
time
Use synonyms
 and food, but
also
Linking Words
paramount
Verb problem
is paramount
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 for
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
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 mental
as well as
Linking Words
 physical health.

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content
Your answer shows your main idea clearly, but some points are not well supported. Check facts and use safe claims only.
structure
Use more clear links. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that states the point, then add the reasons.
evidence
Give real, simple examples that fit well. If you mention a study, use correct name and not too big figures.
stance
You take a clear view that the change is positive.
organization
The essay follows a plan with an opening, body points, and a conclusion.
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