IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you disagree or agree?

There is a view that extreme activities like skydiving and rock climbing ought to be banned
due to
Linking Words
 their danger.
While
Linking Words
 some argue in favour, I personally oppose
this
Linking Words
 notion as everyone has different choices
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 some people may be afraid of
such
Linking Words
 sports
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 for others it can be enjoyable. Skydiving and rock climbing may be unsafe in some cases,
for instance
Linking Words
, when staff who are working there are not doing their work properly or
even don't
Correct word order
don't even
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 know how to do it.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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 it is newcomers who do not have enough experience. They can do their work in the wrong way , which will lead to bad consequences.
As a result
Linking Words
, people will have unfavourable associations with it.
Also
Linking Words
, as I mentioned before, it can be related to personal choices because of past experience , which negatively affected
this
Linking Words
 person's opinion about it.
According to
Linking Words
 the other side, it can be a funny and energetic thing to do
on
Change preposition
in
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free
Correct pronoun usage
your free
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 time or when hanging out with close ones. It can
also
Linking Words
 be a good way to get rid of negative emotions , which is unfavourable to remember. Taking away
such
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 interesting and sometimes important activities from people is not entirely fair
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that others who are not into
this
Linking Words
 area of sport may just ignore it. Paying attention to the other kinds of things which will be safer is the best way to avoid it. In conclusion, I believe that everyone has
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to choose what they would like to do, so it will be more accurate to let others who love it to do it rather than completely ban it.

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coherence
Open with a clear topic sentence and give a plan in two sentences.
grammar
Make long sentences shorter; use fewer commas and keep to one idea in a sentence.
content
Support each point with a concrete example that is easy to understand.
task
Balance both sides and link back to your view in the end.
lexical
Use simple words and avoid hard or rare words.
content
The essay shows a clear view against a ban.
structure
There is an opening and ending.
coherence
Some ideas are joined by linking words.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exhilarating
  • personal growth
  • sense of achievement
  • self-esteem
  • mental resilience
  • economic implications
  • adventure tourism
  • acknowledging
  • paramount
  • mitigate
  • recreational activities
  • governmental regulations
  • personal liberties
  • pioneering
  • advancements
  • protective gear
  • innovation
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