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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.

The graph illustrates the proportion of men
participants
Use synonyms
 in senior development in several companies, namely IBM,
microsoft
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Microsoft
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, and
apple
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Apple
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, from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
participants
Use synonyms
 in IBM and
microsoft
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Microsoft
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 showed a moderate upward trend,
whereas
Linking Words
apple
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Apple
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 recorded a minor edge up over time. In 1980, the number
in
Change preposition
at
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 IBM began at below 5%, and
thereafter
Linking Words
 it remained the same in the following
year
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 share rose gradually and reached a peak of over 60% by 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the rate of men
participants
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 in
microsoft
Fix capitalization
Microsoft
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 stood at around 7% in the first
year
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, before increasing modestly to 10% in 1985. The figure increased slightly to approximately 14% in 1995 and remained unchanged the
year
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 after.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage soared to 45% in 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
participants
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 in
apple
Fix capitalization
Apple
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 accounted for about 15% in 1980, which was followed by a slight slip
by
Change preposition
of
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 roughly 2% just a
year
Use synonyms
 later. After rising to over 20%, the proportion dipped to around 19% in 2000 and recovered to around 25%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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