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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.

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The graph illustrates the proportion of men
participants
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 in senior development in several companies, namely IBM,
microsoft
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Microsoft
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, and
apple
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Apple
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, from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
participants
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 in IBM and
microsoft
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Microsoft
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 showed a moderate upward trend,
whereas
Linking Words
apple
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Apple
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 recorded a minor edge up over time. In 1980, the number
in
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at
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 IBM began at below 5%, and
thereafter
Linking Words
 it remained the same in the following
year
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.
This
Linking Words
 share rose gradually and reached a peak of over 60% by 2010.
Moreover
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, the rate of men
participants
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 in
microsoft
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Microsoft
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 stood at around 7% in the first
year
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, before increasing modestly to 10% in 1985. The figure increased slightly to approximately 14% in 1995 and remained unchanged the
year
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 after.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage soared to 45% in 2010.
In contrast
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, the
participants
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 in
apple
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Apple
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 accounted for about 15% in 1980, which was followed by a slight slip
by
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of
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 roughly 2% just a
year
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 later. After rising to over 20%, the proportion dipped to around 19% in 2000 and recovered to around 25%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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