IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

he bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

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The bar chart compares the percentage of Australian
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 doing regular physical activity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the women
Use synonyms
age grope of
Replace the word
aged
 45 to 54 accounted for the largest
sports activities proportion
Correct word order
proportion of sports activities
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the men
Use synonyms
age grope of
Replace the word
aged
 35 to 44 had the lowest figure who did regular physical activity in 2010.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the female
of
Correct word choice
aged
show examples
 45 to 64 years was the most popular sports activities category, accounting for near 53%.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 was followed by the male
of
Correct word choice
aged
show examples
 15 to 24 years,
witch
Use the right word
which
show examples
 stood at 52.8%. These
age
Use synonyms
 groups together represented the majority of the total.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the figures for the
men
Correct word choice
male
show examples
age
Use synonyms
grope
Use the right word
group
show examples
 of 35 to 44 were much
loewr
Correct your spelling
lower
,
witch
Use the right word
which
show examples
 stood at 39.5%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the male and female
age
Use synonyms
 category of 65 and
oever
Correct your spelling
over
 proportion were simalar stood at near 47%.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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