IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some argue that social networking sites bring people closer together, while others believe they contribute to loneliness. Discuss both sides and provide your own view.

Although
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that social networking platforms can contribute to significant emotional issues
such
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 as loneliness, others claim that it fosters by strengthening
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal relationships. In my opinion,
such
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 networking sites offer potential benefits in terms of bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together by providing communication and collaboration.
This
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 essay will examine both views and my opinion in detail with relevant examples. On the one hand, loneliness is one of the growing concerns among
people
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due to
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 an increase in
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of social media platforms.
This
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 opinion was shared based on the fact that
people
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 are predominantly engaged in their smart devices, chatting online by forgetting their immediate friends
,
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apply
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 and family.
Therefore
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, individuals fail to create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real-life relationships, which makes them feel isolated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. As an example, a recent survey revealed that online interaction had a significant impact on individuals when they face real-life challenges, as they were reluctant to make face-to-face communications.
On the contrary
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, many advocates believe that platforms
such
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 as Facebook, WhatsApp, and
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
show examples
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 closer together.
This
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 is because technological advancements allow
people
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 to communicate regardless of time
,
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apply
show examples
 and distance.
For instance
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, apps
such
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 as WhatsApp
permits
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permit
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people
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 to share messages instantly, and
enhances
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enhance
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 their connection with their families.
Furthermore
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, elderly
people
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 can have access to information online rather than feeling isolated.
Therefore
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, I certainly believe that the benefits of online websites are significantly greater than the potential drawbacks. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 believe that social media websites
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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 isolation
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology addiction, I strongly believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 ample benefits in terms of connecting
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of limitations.

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structure
Use four clear parts: intro, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
task response
Say your view clearly in the first paragraph and restate it in the end.
examples
Give real and clear examples with simple details.
language
Use simple and common words. Check for any hard words or wrong word choice.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
content
The essay shows a real attempt to discuss both sides.
structure
It ends with a clear view.
coherence
There are good linking phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the contrary'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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