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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

somepeople think that gettting a degree froom univeristy is the best way to secure a good job. others belive that employers value work experience than a university degree. discuss bothese views and give yooue opinion

There is an ongoing debate about the appropriate ways to secure a good job.
While
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 some people believe that employers value hands-on
experience
Use synonyms
 over education, others claim that obtaining an academic qualification is crucial to securing positions. In my opinion, I firmly agree with the latter view because a formal
degree
Use synonyms
 provides an opportunity to obtain
position
Correct article usage
a position
show examples
 with high income .
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and my opinion in detail with relevant examples.
Firstly
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, employers often value relevant
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 over education. Owing to
this
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, certain career prospects , especially in vocational fields,
having
Verb problem
consider
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real-world
experience
Use synonyms
 is
considered
Verb problem
be
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 an asset rather than having an academic certification.
Furthermore
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, in
this
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 competitive world, landing your first
Use synonyms
work
Check wording
job
show examples
is a struggle without real-world practice.
However
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,
this
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 is required in specific
work
Use synonyms
 environments like industries or factories where people often engage in job that provides low compensation.
On the other hand
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, obtaining
a
Correct article usage
apply
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academy
Replace the word
academic
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 knowledge enables people to secure jobs with high incomes.
This
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 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 obtaining a
degree
Use synonyms
 is already proof that candidates are able to rise through their ranks, and
such
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 graduates are trusted with responsible roles.
As a result
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, they end up securing jobs with high salaries from the outset.
For instance
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, doctors and teachers often spend a great deal of money on studies, and
then
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 often attend professional training to provide indispensable services.
Hence
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, college learning is imperative if jobs involve detailed subject knowledge.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some advocates think that
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 is more important than academics, it is evident that completion of
Use synonyms
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 often helps to secure high-income positions, because of the skills and knowledge gained through the course of education and training. In my opinion, I certainly agree that earning a university
degree
Use synonyms
 is important to secure a job with a good salary.

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planning
Plan your answer with a clear view at the start and a short plan.
structure
Use linking words to show contrast and connect ideas.
grammar
Keep a simple and clear style; fix big grammar errors.
content
Give one clear example for each view and say why it matters.
conclusion
End with a clear view that matches the intro.
content
Good idea that a degree can bring high pay.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body and conclusion.
evidence
Use example of doctor and teacher well.
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