IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays schools should not use textbooks because children get bored with books. Using games, computers and TV is a better way to give them new information and knowledge. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The new generation
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 bored quickly with textbooks
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, they want new ways to help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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study. The question is,
schools should
Correct word order
should schools
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use
Use synonyms
 new ways to teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of using textbooks
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 In my opinion, the schools have to
use
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology and games to teach the
children
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to provide the reasons for using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education. First of all,
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
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 of
techonolgy arround
Correct your spelling
technology around
 the world is changing the teaching methods
,
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
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moreover
Linking Words
, there are many
children
Use synonyms
 get bored quickly with the traditional teaching
,
Punctuation problem
. In
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in addition
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, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers and games can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pupils to understand effectively and quickly.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
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, they changed the teaching method from traditional teaching to technology teaching,
as a result
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, they found the
children
Use synonyms
 understand more
quicker
Replace the word
quickly
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 than before.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the traditional method can help pupils to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 reading
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 there are many negative
affect
Use the right word
effects
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with
Change preposition
of
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 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
teaching
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
eyesight
Check wording
eye damage
show examples
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
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 traditional education is essential
can
Correct word choice
and can
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 not be replaced. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, in Saudi Arabia, they
use
Use synonyms
 the
teachnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 and
also
Linking Words
 the traditional teaching together to teach the pupils.
As a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, they found some of the
children
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 only the
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 and the others
use
Use synonyms
 both of them. In the conclusion, I would argue the
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 should be on effective education rather than one specific teaching method.

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task response
State a clear position in the first paragraph and keep it in mind through the whole essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make a short plan with 2-3 strong points and give a small example for each.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should have a topic sentence and a link to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use joining words to show order and contrast, like also, but, for example.
language use
Check spelling and grammar, especially common misses, to make the text easy to read.
content
The writer shows a real effort to discuss tech in school.
evidence
There are real examples from other places to back up points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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