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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machine are new able to do the work which people used to perform. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In the prevailing era, an advancement in technology has made
people
Use synonyms
's lives more comfortable and convenient. Nowadays, a number of
works
Check wording
tasks
show examples
 are done by
machines
Use synonyms
 which
people
Use synonyms
 used to do. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has more cons than pros. Commencing with the most salient drawback of completing
work
Use synonyms
 by technology is
to increase
Change preposition
that increases
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 the unemployment rate.
Machines
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are
Verb problem
apply
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not only complete household tasks but
also
Linking Words
 do
work
Use synonyms
 in big firms.
For example
Linking Words
, in almost every store, namely Dollarama, Walmart, and Costco, there is an option of self-service where
people
Use synonyms
 can scan their items by themselves and make payments either by
cards
Fix the agreement mistake
card
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 or cash. So, companies may not need to hire employees to do the tasks.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend intends to reduce the economy of a country. Taxes are paid by
people
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 on the basis of their annual income,
whereas
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 there is
not
Rephrase
no
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 tax on
machines
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'
work
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.
However
Linking Words
, the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend cannot be overlooked since sophisticated
machines
Use synonyms
 help to save their time and diminish the undue stress. The majority
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 have become workaholics, and they find
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
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 to save time for their
creativities
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creativity
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 and for their family members. Thanks to technology, a number of household chores are done by them,
such
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 as cleaning floors by vacuum, washing clothes by washer
machines
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, and etcetera, which
previously
Verb problem
were previously
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 completed by their hands.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though saving time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 residents is the main benefit of
this
Linking Words
 trend, I contend that reducing the employment rate and
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth of countries are the main disadvantages of doing
work
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 by
machines
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.

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grammar
Fix the grammar and make ideas a bit more clear. Use short, plain sentences.
structure
Add more clear ideas for each paragraph. Stick to one main point per paragraph.
content
Give more strong and real examples to show why your view is true.
stance
Your view is clear and you say you think more about the downs.
examples
Some real shops as examples are used.
coherence
There is some good links between ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • machine
  • work
  • people
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • loss
  • speed
  • accuracy
  • time
  • cost
  • safe
  • danger
  • job
  • replace
  • create
  • train
  • education
  • policy
  • plan
  • skill
  • repair
  • maintenance
  • privacy
  • security
  • quality
  • workload
  • dependence
  • efficiency
  • growth
  • equal
  • opportunity
  • future
  • balance
  • use
  • risk
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
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