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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

A glance at the line chart reveals the change of fertility between
China
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
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 for the
80 years
Correct your spelling
80-year
 period, from 1920 to 2000. The graph shows that
China
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
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 had
alike
Correct word choice
similar
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 birth
rates
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 in 1920, both of them were somewhere in the vicinity of 10%.
However
Linking Words
, the
rates
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 of
China
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 and the
USA
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 dropped to 3% and 7%
separately
Rephrase
respectively
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 2000, compared with 1920. Looking into more detail, before 1955, the
rates
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 of
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 countries fluctuated at around 5% to 20%. After 1955,
Use synonyms
China
Check wording
China's
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 and the
USA
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’s fertility had gradually declined for over 45 years. The two curves reached a relative plateau
at the end
Linking Words
 of the chart, over the late
20 years
Correct your spelling
20-year
 period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the birth
rates
Use synonyms
 had similar fluctuation between the two countries.
China
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's birth rate surged significantly to the peak of approximately 20% in 1955, as did the
USA
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 stood at 15%
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same year.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, they all plummeted to the lowest point of the first half of the timeline, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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around 5%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, usa, rates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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