IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Discuss both views.

Nowadays,
computer
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games
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 have become very common among
children
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 in many societies. Some parents believe that
computer
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games
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 are beneficial for
children
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 and should be allowed more often,
while
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 others think that these
games
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 are harmful and have negative effects on
children
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. On the one hand, some parents believe that
computer
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games
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 are good for
children
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 because they help them learn new skills and use their
time
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 in an enjoyable way. Many educational
games
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 can improve
children
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’s thinking, problem-solving, and creativity.
This
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 means that
children
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 can develop their mental abilities
while
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 having fun at the same
time
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.
For example
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, some
games
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 help
children
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 learn languages, numbers, or logical thinking, which can be useful for their education and future learning.
On the other hand
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, other parents argue that
computer
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games
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 are harmful because they can cause stress and health problems for
children
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. When
children
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 spend too much
time
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 playing
games
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, they may become less active and avoid physical activities.
As a result
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,
this
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 can affect their physical health and social skills.
For instance
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,
children
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 may prefer staying at home playing
games
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instead
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 of interacting with family or friends, which can lead to isolation and poor communication skills. In my opinion, both views have merits.
However
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, I believe that
computer
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games
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 can be useful if
children
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 play them for a limited
time
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 and under parental control. If used in a balanced way, the benefits of
computer
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games
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 can be greater than their negative effects.

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task response
State your view clearly in the last line of the essay.
content
Use more clear and exact ideas for reasons.
content
Add more real examples from games, like time use or health.
coherence
Link ideas with simple phrases to help flow.
language
Check grammar and make some longer sentences to show skill.
content
The writer explains both sides.
structure
There is a clear opinion at the end.
coherence
Use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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