IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants because of their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

In
this
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 competitive world, in many parts of the world,
laws
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 prohibit rejecting individuals who are eager to
work
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due to
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 their age. I believe that it is a change for the better,
although
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 it may create certain issues in businesses.
To begin
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 with, age-discrimination
laws
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 give an equal opportunity to citizens, ensuring lifelong employment.
That is
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 to say that people who are aged are able to
work
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 with younger generations. By doing
this
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, the company itself benefits, too.
Because diversity
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Diversity
show examples
 in age among workers leads to a collaborative working environment. When working together, both young and old individuals can teach one another essential skills.
While
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 the elderly are experienced and are capable of sharing valuable life lessons, the youth can assist in dealing with cutting-edge technology.
This
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 mutual interaction will definitely influence
on
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apply
show examples
the productivity of the
work
Use synonyms
 in the company.
Besides
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, when
laws
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 ban ignoring aged citizens from applying for a job, countries balance the financial condition among their residents. As long as the elderly are engaged in
work
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, they might take care of themselves, not being dependent on the government's financial support, which in turn alleviates the authorities' burden.
Consequently
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,
this
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 budget can be allocated to develop other sectors,
such
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 as education and health care, offering fulfilling lives to people.
However
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, if all employees are elderly,
this
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 can contribute to staying behind the innovation. It is undeniable that older generations have difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
managing technology , and they think in a conventional way. The company may,
consequently
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, face some challenges because of a lack of creativity. In conclusion, age-discrimination
laws
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 impact on the efficiency of
work
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 in campaigns and are financially beneficial, even though they may have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact in some ways in business.

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content
Add more real examples from work life or law to back up your points.
structure
Make some short, clear sentences so ideas are easy to follow.
cohesion
Use simple link words (and, but, also, however) to show how ideas go from one to the next.
position
The essay has a clear view that age rules help equality and work life.
balance
You show both good and bad sides.
language
Simple words are used well to explain ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
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