IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays some workplace tend to employ equal number of men and women workers . Do you think it is positive or negative development

Recently, some companies tend to hire
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 employees. From my own perspective, I believe it is a bad idea.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to address the downsides of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
To begin
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, if an
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 looks for workers,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 should only focus on the abilities, skills, and degrees. The sex of the individual should not be considered. Because if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sex
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more important than skills and degrees, it would not be fair.
For instance
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, if there were a workplace with workers dividing into five
women
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 and four
men
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, and a man without
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 applied for
working
Replace the word
work
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 in that
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 at the same time, a
women
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 who possess
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
applied
Correct word order
also applied
show examples
also
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, it would not be fair to hire the man just because the
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 wants to
equalize
Change the spelling
equalise
show examples
 the
number
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 of
men
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 and
women
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend might cause a large
number
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 of problems in some demanding workplaces that
need
Verb problem
require
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical work.
For example
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, construction work
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
undeniably
Verb problem
is undeniably
show examples
 known for its difficult tasks,
such
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 as lifting heavy weights, or working for long hours under the sun,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is really hard for
women
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 to adjust to.
Consequently
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, employing an equal
number
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 of
men
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 and
women
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 in some workplaces might be an issue.
To conclude
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, employing the same
number
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 of
men
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 and
women
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 might be unfair to some creative individuals.
In addition
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, it may establish some obstacles for
women
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in particular
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 workplaces.

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overall
Use a clear view in the first line. Say if you think the trend is negative or positive. Then give 2-3 reasons each with a short example.
language
Fix grammar and make short, clear sentences. Watch for 'a women' and 'undeniably known'.
coherence
Put a topic sentence at the start of each paragraph and link ideas with 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'therefore'.
task
Make sure every point has proof. Include a clear example that shows the point.
lexical
Choose neutral or gentle words. Do not use strong words like 'bad idea' too often; try 'not beneficial' or 'not a good trend'.
stance
The essay has a clear position against the trend.
structure
There is a clear structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
There is an example to support one point.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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