IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

In 2005
was in
Verb problem
,
show examples
 the middle era of mobile phone innovation that had a colour
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
.
Verb problem
were introduced.
show examples
 By that
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 the demand for people to use mobile phones
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 increasing, so the
market
Use synonyms
needs
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 to develop their mobile phones for people in need. In
this
Linking Words
passage
Add a comma
passage,
show examples
 I’ll describe and compare
market
Use synonyms
 share in each company and between
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2005 and 2006. The
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 that I will talk about
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
Nokia
Use synonyms
, Motorola, Samsung, Sony Ericsson,
L.G
Correct your spelling
LG
, BenQ mobile and some
of not describe
Verb problem
other
show examples
 companies
I’ll
Correct pronoun usage
that I’ll
show examples
 put in the word
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
“Others”. In the top 3
Use synonyms
rank
Fix the agreement mistake
ranks
show examples
 of
market
Use synonyms
 share
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
Nokia
Use synonyms
, Motorola and Samsung
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 in the next year too. The
market
Use synonyms
 of the top 3
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing except
Samsung
Change preposition
for Samsung
show examples
 in
rank
Use synonyms
 3
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Nokia
Use synonyms
 is still in the first
Use synonyms
rank
Punctuation problem
rank,
show examples
 followed by Motorola in the second
rank
Use synonyms
. The increasing percentage of the top 2
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 around 2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in third
rank
Use synonyms
 is decreasing
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Below the top 3
Use synonyms
rank
Fix the agreement mistake
ranks
show examples
 are
L.G
Correct your spelling
LG
, Sony Ericsson and BenQ mobile
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
order from the most to the lowest. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2006
Add a comma
2006,
show examples
 the ranking had changed because the Sony Ericsson
market
Use synonyms
 was growing and the
L.G
Correct your spelling
LG
market
Use synonyms
 was decreasing.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the BenQ mobile was growing down from 4.9 to 2.4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. And in the other
company
Add a comma
company,
show examples
 their
market
Use synonyms
 was decreasing too, about 3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In summary, I think that because
Nokia
Use synonyms
 was the most
well known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
 in mobile phones and they
also
Linking Words
 kept developing their
innovation
Punctuation problem
innovation,
show examples
 that’s why the
market
Use synonyms
 share of
Nokia
Use synonyms
 is growing more and more.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words market, nokia, rank, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "describe" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • market share
  • dominance
  • manufacturers
  • market position
  • consumer preference
  • product development
  • growth
  • stable
  • decrease/increase
  • comparative analysis
  • data trends
  • global market
  • mobile phone industry
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