IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Discuss both views.

It is often argued that
computer
Use synonyms
games
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. Some
People
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 believe that
computer
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games
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 are better for children,
while
Linking Words
 others think they are harmful. In my opinion, I believe that both views are equally important. On one hand, some
people
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 believe by some
people
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 that
computer
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games
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 are better for children. Because they help them learn new skills and improve their thinking.
For example
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, memory,challenge and focus
games
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.
This
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 proves that it is really important.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 argue that computers are harmful to children, since they spend more time and have health problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, eye issues and negative energy.
This
Linking Words
 shows that it is harmful.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 support playing
computer
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games
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, others prefer staying away.
Computer
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 game. I personally agree with both views, but I believe they should be enjoyed in moderation.

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planning
Plan your essay first. Write a clear intro that states your view. Then have two body parts with a main idea and one simple example. Finish with a short conclusion.
coherence
Use simple link words to show order and contrast, like first, also, but, however. Make sure each sentence links to the one before.
grammar
Check grammar and word form. Use present simple for facts. Check punctuation and capital letters. Read aloud to catch errors.
content
The writer tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a use of 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show balance.
tone
The writer ends with an opinion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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