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Writing Samples
Band 5

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut subjects such as arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

Modern society expects
children
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 to learn skills related to
technology
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 at
school
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. Some people argue that schools should not include
arts
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 and
music
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 in their curriculum
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
instead
Linking Words
, they should prioritise information
technology
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 for young students. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement and believe that
children
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 should learn both
arts
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 and
music
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 in
school
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 in order to develop their critical thinking and personal growth. The primary reason for schools to teach
arts
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 and science at
school
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 is that it broadens
children
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's minds and develops critical thinking.
Arts
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 and
music
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 allow students to express their freedoms through critical thinking
,
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apply
show examples
 and showcase their talents through creative
arts
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. A study conducted by Cambridge University shows that students with extracurricular activities excel in academic achievements than those who do not choose these courses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, schools should include
arts
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 and
music
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 in their curriculum in order to assist
children
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to reach
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in reaching
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 their potential.
In addition
Linking Words
, Modern society does not entirely focus on information
technology
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,
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;
show examples
 in fact, artists and musicians are still highly valued in many societies. Musicians and artists showcase their talents, earning extravagant revenue through high performances. In 2025, the most influential people in the world,
for instance
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, are from the
music
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 industry.
Hence
Linking Words
, teaching these courses in
school
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 not only ensures personal development but
also
Linking Words
 increases future employability. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 information
technology
Use synonyms
 has become an essential part of the modern world, I still
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 believe that
arts
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 and
music
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 play a crucial part in developing
children
Use synonyms
's critical thinking, freedom of expression and flexible employability.

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task
State your view in the intro and keep to it in the body.
task
Give real examples and keep to facts that can be true.
coherence
Use linking words well, like and, but, also, so to join ideas.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph and end with a short end line.
grammar
Check grammar and spell common words well; use simple forms.
strength
You show a clear view against only IT, and you carry the idea that arts have value.
strength
You link ideas to thinking and growth and say why this helps a child.
strength
The end restates the main idea, so your point is clear at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employability
  • curriculum
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • digital literacy
  • problem-solving
  • extracurricular activities
  • cultural appreciation
  • financial literacy
  • well-rounded individuals
  • modern economy
  • independent living
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