IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views,, and give your opinion.

Some people think that the best way to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 is to give longer
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences. Others,
however
Linking Words
, believe there are better
alternative
Use synonyms
ways
Use synonyms
 of reducing
crime
Use synonyms
. Discuss both views and give your opinion. It is considered by some
the
Verb problem
to be the
show examples
 best way to decrease
crime
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to give longer
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences,
while
Linking Words
 others say that there are better
alternative
Use synonyms
ways
Use synonyms
 of reducing
crime
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I consider that
alternative
Use synonyms
ways
Use synonyms
 are efficient methods
due to
Linking Words
 avoiding
prison
Use synonyms
 overcrowding. On the one hand, some people think that if the
crime
Use synonyms
 is more serious,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
 is an appropriate punishment and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a big role in
deters
Wrong verb form
deterring
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 violence. To
more
Rephrase
further
show examples
 clarify,
offences
Use the right word
offenders
show examples
 who commit
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sever
Use the right word
severe
show examples
 violence
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 pose a threat to society and can lead to destructive results in their community,
while
Linking Words
 they could be put into isolated
prisons
Use synonyms
 with extreme restrictions as a punishment, so there could be a decrease in the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
prisons
Replace the word
prisoners
show examples
 who are released from
prison
Use synonyms
 are less likely to re-offend for the fear which comes from
prison
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. .in
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
In
in other words
Linking Words
, most prisoners witness a bad experience and face heavy regulations in these places, and it creates a feeling of fear among them
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
; therefore
show examples
most
Punctuation problem
, most
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 of them do not commit
delinquence
Correct your spelling
delinquency
 to avoid going back to
prison
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often believed that substitutes
ways
Use synonyms
 to punish offenders could be a solution to
prison
Use synonyms
 overcrowding. To put it
in other
Linking Words
words
Punctuation problem
words,
show examples
 nowadays
prisons
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could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 afford the cost of imprisonment and
criminals
Check wording
criminals'
show examples
 maintenance
due to
Linking Words
 overpopulation in these areas,
thus
Linking Words
 these additional costs are prevented with
alternative
Use synonyms
 methods. Another reason is that other
ways
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 of punishment
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as community
service
Punctuation problem
service,
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a way to reform offenders
Punctuation problem
. .to
show examples
.to
Correct your spelling
To
 make it clear, social service gives them a sense of productivity because they are required to clean streets or talk to school groups
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these actions could make them
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
positive so they reform their community.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 conclusion, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
alternative
Use synonyms
 punishments have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 positive impact in decreasing offences because they prevent overcrowding in
prisons
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Try to use clear topic sentences in each paragraph. Start with the point you want to make, then add a small example or reason.
grammar/vocab
Explain ideas in simple steps. Do not make long, heavy sentences. Break ideas into short sentences.
content
Give concrete examples for each view, even small ones like 'community service' or 'probation' rather than vague phrases.
argument
Make your position very clear in the last paragraph. Repeat your main view in different words.
content
The essay shows both sides and the writer gives an opinion.
structure
There is a basic structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
structure
Some linking words are used and ideas are tried to be connected.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • incapacitating
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • underlying issues
  • desperation
  • community service
  • mental health support
  • reintegration
  • prevention
  • offenders
  • punitive measures
  • support systems
What to do next:
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