IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005.

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of employed women and
men
Use synonyms
 in the
Uk
Use the right word
UK
show examples
 among nine different kinds of occupations over a year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the number of workers who opted for working as skill trades, managers, professionals, plant and machine operatives, and elementary, was mainly
men
Use synonyms
. Other occupations were most popular among women.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the percentage of females served as administrative and asertial, associate professional and technical, personal service, and sales and costoner service was well over 20%, 15%, around 14%, and above 10%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Admistarve and Seceratral were the most common ones for women. Turning to another gender, the skill trades were the most favoured occupation among
men
Use synonyms
 at around 20%. And the same trend could be seen for other careers.
Finally
Linking Words
, both genders same almost the same percentage for working as an elementary,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 were higher by 2%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • occupation
  • gender disparity
  • dominates
  • societal expectations
  • training opportunities
  • economy
  • gender equality
  • government policies
  • educational reforms
  • corporate hiring practices
  • notable figures
  • trends
  • implications
  • workforce
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