IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that a huge amont of time and money is spent on protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Should
money
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
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 on human
population
Use synonyms
 more to protection of wild animals? It is often argued that time and
money
Use synonyms
 spent on
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of wild animals are better
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spent on
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it is true that it's better to use the resources on
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 because it could enhance
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and education
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 that we have. One key reason is that all the
money
Use synonyms
 and time can be used to solve health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in society. The
government
Use synonyms
 can provide free healthcare for children and elderly
people
Use synonyms
, thereby reducing healthcare
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 could be beneficial for all the residents
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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people
Use synonyms
 with
low-income
Use the right word
low incomes
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.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly important because by offering free healthcare, the
government
Use synonyms
 ensure their
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 well-treated in hospitals, which results in
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 environment. Another compelling reason is that the
government
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 can provide free university education, which allows
people
Use synonyms
 to get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 degree.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to study, thereby reducing the unemployment rate.
This
Linking Words
 can be attributed to the fact that higher education helps individuals to achieve their dream career, which decreases
homeless
Replace the word
homelessness
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 in the area.
Int he
Use the right word
In the
show examples
 long run, the
government
Use synonyms
 achieve
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 and prosperous society.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with the words that remark
time
Correct word choice
that time
show examples
 and
money
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 better
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spent on
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 rather
on
Change preposition
than on
show examples
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of wild animals.
This
Linking Words
 action will help
people
Use synonyms
 to have
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and stable environment.

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language
Use clear and simple grammar. Check word order and verb form so sentences read well.
structure
Plan your essay. Have a short intro, two clear ideas in the body, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use joining words to link ideas and keep one idea per paragraph.
content
Add more proof or example to back each point and explain why it matters.
content
The writer makes a clear view.
structure
Two main ideas are shown.
structure
There is a brief ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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