IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others believe that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that some people believe that success in life comes from crucial factors,
such
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 as
money
Use synonyms
 and appearance,
while
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 others say it comes from tough
work
Use synonyms
 and determination.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that to be
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in life you need to do hard
work
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, there is
also
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 an argument that
say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
show examples
 it does not depend on hard
work
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, it
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on
money
Use synonyms
 and appearance.
This
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 essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,
tough
Correct article usage
a tough
show examples
 task will make you achieve a
lot
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 of things in the long term.
In other words
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, when you
work
Use synonyms
 hard ,
this
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 will improve your thinking.
Also
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, it will make you a creative person.
In addition
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, if you do
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
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 task and you get
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
 to it, it will make you
face
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 any issue in
this
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 world.
Moreover
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, it makes you
face
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 the stress in your
work
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 or outside
it
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of it
show examples
.
For example
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, Aramco makes you
face
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 a
lot
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 of stress during your job, so in the end, you will be able to
face
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 any problem.
On the other hand
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,
money
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 can give you whatever you want. It is
also
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 possible to say that when you have
money
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, you will not feel stress when you want to do any idea,
such
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 as
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 idea.
Moreover
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, when you have
money
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, you can build your own
work
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.
Also
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, you could be a famous person and buy a
lot
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 of views
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 yourself.
For instance
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, many people tend to
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 their own
work
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,
such
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 as shops, supermarkets, and they can tell the public that we have a
lot
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 of surprises for the first 500
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
. In conclusion,
ther
Correct your spelling
there
 are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I believe that when you do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
work
Use synonyms
, in the end, you can achieve a
lot
Use synonyms
 of things.

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task achievement
Write a clear view in the intro and put three main ideas in the body. Each paragraph should have one main idea, a reason, an example, and a simple conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words and phrases. Use clear order: one idea per paragraph and a short ending for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Watch spelling and grammar. Use short, clear sentences and avoid long, hard words. Check mistakes that make your meaning unclear.
overall
The essay tries to cover both sides and gives an opinion.
information
There are some examples to back up points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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