Childhood obesity is a growing public health crisis. In your opinion, what are the reasons for this and what can be done to tackle this issue?

These days, there is an increasing concern about the overweight problems, especially among children from a young age. The main
cause
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of
this
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problem is
due to
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the fast-food culture, and
lack
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of physical activity, and the main viable solutions are adopting a healthy food regime
,
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apply
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and an active lifestyle. The main
cause
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of the problem is that people are accustomed to the fast-food culture.
In other words
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, in
this
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fast-paced world , parents often
lack
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time to prepare healthy meals for their children,so they end up choosing unhealthy foods
such
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as processed foods, which are high in calories, resulting in overweight issues. Another reason is that parents don't have the awareness to make sure that their children stay physically active, because young ones often spend their time watching television, and playing video games without engaging in any physical activities
cause
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weight gain issues.
For instance
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, a recent survey revealed that 60% of the obesity problem among teenagers is mainly caused by their unhealthy eating habits and
lack
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of physical
activities
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activity
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. A viable solution for
this
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trend is adopting a healthy lifestyle. Governments should arrange educational campaigns and promotions in schools and universities about the potential impacts of eating junk food.
Furthermore
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, banning
such
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unhealthy foods forces students to look for alternatives
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such
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, such
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as substantial healthy meals. Another way to deal with
this
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issue is to incorporate physical activities at schools to ensure that every child
does
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exercises
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exercise
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exercise,
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even if their families don't have time to inculcate them in healthy habits.
As a result
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, young
ones
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people
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stay healthier, which in turn reduces the stress on public healthcare systems. As an example, China is the only nation where the obesity problems are significantly lower compared to other countries because they mandate physical education not only in schools, but
also
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in their personal lives. In conclusion, the main
cause
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of kids being obese is
due to
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their unhealthy lifestyle and
lack
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of exercise. The most possible solutions to overcome
this
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issue are to enforce educational campaigns regarding healthy food habits
,
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apply
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and mandate physical education in learning institutions.

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task response
The essay gives main ideas but repeats and some points are not strong. Add a clear plan in the intro and end with a firm view.
coherence
task response
Add more detail to each main idea. Give one or two clear examples for causes and one or two for solutions.
language
Check grammar and wording to fix small mistakes. Use short sentences and common words to stay easy to read.
task response
Clear choice of topic and a view on the issue.
coherence
Paragraphed ideas with some linking phrases.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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