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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tablesshow changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten lsland) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table presents the
number
Check wording
apply
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of population
Correct word order
population of
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in
Change preposition
apply
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New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables illustrate detailed figures in the five
districts
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 of the city, namely
Manhattan
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, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens,
Staten
Correct word choice
and Staten
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 Island
over
Punctuation problem
, over
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 the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total population of New York increased significantly,
while
Linking Words
residents
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 used to be
centered
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centred
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 in the
Manhattan
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 district, but the density was scattered to other
districts
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 over time.The initial
residents
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 in the whole New York area were 79216 in 1800. With the number continuing to grow, it reached 3437202 in 1990, and by the end of 2000, the total number of
residents
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 had surpassed 8 million.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the expanding population,
residents
Use synonyms
 were moving out of
Manhattan
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. In 1800, there were 60515
people
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 in
Manhattan
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, comprising 76% of the general dwellers.
When in
Rephrase
In
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 1900, there were 1850093
people
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 residing in
Manhattan
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,
while
Linking Words
 1587109
people
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living
Wrong verb form
lived
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 in the other 5
districts
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. By the end of 2000, there were 6471089
people
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 living in other
districts
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, which accounted for 81% of all the city dwellers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words districts, manhattan, residents, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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