IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that competition at work, at schools and in daily life is a good thing.others believe that we sould try to cooperate more, rather than competing againts each other. discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is considered by some
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that
competition
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
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 some sections
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 positive points.
While
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 say that, we should strive to cooperate more compared
to competing
Change preposition
than compete
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against
Change preposition
with
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others
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 I consider that
competition
Use synonyms
 is a must to be
in
Change preposition
apply
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a way of progress. On the one hand,
competition
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give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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people
Use synonyms
 a sense of progress. To
more
Rephrase
further
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 clarify,
people
Use synonyms
 compete against each other for reaching to
specific
Verb problem
reach specific
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 goals and individuals who put themselves in these challenges
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 have tried to show the best version of themselves and have the perfect functionality so they grow gradually.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
competition
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a major role in knowing strengths and weaknesses.
In other words
Linking Words
, humans will
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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 the poor aspects of their function to change or improve them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
Linking Words
also are
Correct word order
are also
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 informed of the positive points of themselves to boost them, if they are compared to
others
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
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,
people
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 have the opportunity to change into their best selves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that cooperation can
rise
Verb problem
improve
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 social skills. To put it
clear
Replace the word
clearly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 learn to interact with
others
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 how they can have appropriate relationships in their
community
Punctuation problem
community,
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while
Linking Words
 cooperating with
others
Use synonyms
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 they will impose better social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Another reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 collaborating
cause
Replace the word
causes
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 time saving to finish deadlines. To put it
in other words
Linking Words
, responsibilities are shared among group members
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 issue allows
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 to be completed more efficiently, as team workers can focus on their specific roles, conducting them faster and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 delays. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 may vary in their opinions, I think that
competition
Use synonyms
 is essential to provide a feeling of
achievements
Fix the agreement mistake
achievement
show examples
.

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language
Improve grammar and word choice to fix small mistakes that blur meaning.
structure
Use short, clear sentences. Break long lines into two or three ideas.
content
Add clear reasons for each point and use one example for each idea.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, also, so, because to show how ideas fit.
content
The essay covers both views and gives an opinion.
structure
There is a clear opening and a closing line.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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