IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that famous celebrities are poor role models of teenagers, while others think they can be a source of inspiration. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of celebrities as role models for young people.

Celebrities
Use synonyms
 have a strong impact on young
people
Use synonyms
. One side of
people
Use synonyms
 think that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 are not good
role
Use synonyms
 models.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the other side
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
.
So what
Rephrase
What
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages of
celebrities
Use synonyms
 as
role
Use synonyms
 models
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
?
Firstly
Linking Words
,
motivation
Correct article usage
the motivation
show examples
 for young
people
Use synonyms
. Musicians, athletes or actors motivate
teenagers
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 sharing their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media. They teach
teenagers
Use synonyms
 self-assurance, determination, how not to give up and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
lose
Verb problem
to lose
show examples
 optimism.
For instance
Linking Words
, my
role
Use synonyms
 model is beach volleyball player Monika Paulikienė. She is known for her success and
winnings
Replace the word
wins
show examples
 in volleyball.
Celebrities
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 become an idol for growing talents. The second advantage is charity support. Some
celebrities
Use synonyms
 use their fame to help others
while
Linking Words
 supporting charities.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 who see others helping and supporting poor
people
Use synonyms
, they do it too. They become more understanding.
By contrast
Linking Words
, there are
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, showing fake life.
Often
Punctuation problem
Often,
show examples
celebrities
Use synonyms
 present perfect images, using filters and
photoshop
Fix capitalization
Photoshop
show examples
. As exemplified by
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who look at their photos and stories
can feel not enough good
Verb problem
may not feel good enough
show examples
,
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 become
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
confident
Use the right word
unconfident
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, I think that sometimes
celebrities
Use synonyms
 are not just
people
Use synonyms
 who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to show
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
 example for
teenagers
Use synonyms
. Some of them can show violence, racism or bullying. To illustrate,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can start thinking that it is normal.
Celebrities
Use synonyms
 can impact them
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bad
side
Check wording
way
show examples
. All in all, there
a
Verb problem
are a
show examples
lot of advantages and disadvantages. But in my opinion,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 can be very good
role
Use synonyms
 models, but not all of them.

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task
State a clear view from the start and keep it to the end of the essay.
coherence
Plan the body with one idea in each paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use short, simple sentences and add linking words to move from idea to idea.
content
Give real, simple examples and explain how they support each point.
structure
The essay asks about both sides and uses a personal example.
content
It shows a clear idea of good and bad sides of celebs as role models.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • celebrity
  • teenager
  • influence
  • inspiration
  • example
  • behavior
  • attitude
  • hard work
  • talent
  • success
  • charity
  • responsibility
  • media
  • image
  • reality
  • balance
  • critical thinking
  • guidance
  • peer pressure
  • privacy
  • fame
  • money
  • ethics
  • kindness
  • resilience
  • discipline
  • goal
  • study
  • sport
  • health
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