IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

While
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 some
people
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 argue that the best place to learn about
animals
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 is
Zoos
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, others argue that
animals
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 should not be kept in enclosures
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they must live in their own habitat , like forests. In my opinion, I agree with the latter view because
animals
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 thrive better in a natural
environment
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 than keeping them in closed enclosures.
This
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 essay will discuss my views in detail with relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, wild
animals
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 should live in their natural habitat to exhibit their own behaviour.
This
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 is mainly because
,
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apply
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 hunting and grazing are the primary habits of
animals
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 provided with proper
conditions
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 for them to survive,
whereas
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 in
Zoos
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, the
conditions
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 are not suitable for survival. Mostly we watch
animals
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 sitting on a concrete floor with no light, trees or even grass, looking so depressed and
stressful
Correct word choice
stressed
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 cannot learn much about their habitats from these
conditions
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as
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, as
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 they look tired, which upsets
people
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 and makes them feel uncomfortable.
For instance
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, a recent report revealed that lions and tigers are seen as pets as they stay calm in their small cages, which makes children forget that they are wild
animals
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.
Secondly
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,
animals
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 look active when they live in natural places.
In other words
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,
Zoos
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 offer small spaces, which prevent them from walking or moving around,
whereas
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 in the outdoors,
animals
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 often spend time hunting and chasing their prey, thereby they can lead a long and healthy life.
In addition
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, every species should belong to its own
habitat
Punctuation problem
habitat,
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 where its characteristics can be better observed and learned
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
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 than placing them in a controlled
environment
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. As an example,
wild
Correct article usage
a wild
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 wildlife photographer confessed that the aggressiveness of a Tiger can be better captured when they hunt in a natural
environment
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 rather than being provided with food in cages. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 think that cages are the best places to learn about
animals
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, I believe that
conditions
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 in
Zoos
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 do not provide a real learning about those species as they do not exhibit their own behaviours. In my opinion, they belong to nature where they can thrive better in the natural
environment
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 by showing their own characteristics, and natural behaviour.

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planning
Plan your essay before you write. Make a short plan with your main idea, why, and an example.
structure
Make each paragraph show one idea and keep it to the point.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go together, like also, but, then, for example.
grammar
Write simple sentences. Check grammar and punctuation to avoid run on sentences.
content
Give clear, real examples. If you mention a report or a picture, say the source or be more precise, but keep it simple.
conclusion
Make your conclusion rest on your view and sum up the main points.
structure
Clear position is stated in the introduction and repeating in the conclusion.
content
Two main reasons are given to support the view.
coherence
Use of signposts like To begin with, Secondly.
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