The bar chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006.

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of
ues
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use
of the
internt
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internet
among four different
age
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groups in the UK over a period of 3
years
Use synonyms
, starting from 2003.
Overall
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,
although
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the percentage of use of
this
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tool among those who were at the
age
Use synonyms
of 25-44 and 55-64 increased over the period, other
categores
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categories
fluctuated.
Moreover
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, those who were over 65
years
Use synonyms
had the lowest use of the World Wide Web compared to
others
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other
show examples
age
Use synonyms
groups.
To begin
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with, from 2003 and 2004, 16-24
years
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old people used the internet around 80%,
then
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it
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
off by 2004, and it peaked at 90%.
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Finally
Finaly
Punctuation problem
Finaly,
show examples
it
finised
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finished
well over 80% in 2004.
In contrast
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to
this
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, the percentage of exploring the web among 45 and
54 aged
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to 54-year-old
individulas
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individuals
was roughly above 40%, and reached the peak at 60 %,
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While
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while
show examples
it decreased in 2005 to 50%, it went up to well over 50% in 2006.
Suprisingly
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Surprisingly
, in 3003 there was no sign of using the internet for over 65
years
Use synonyms
.
it
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It
show examples
hited
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hit
the peak above 10% in 2005.
Finally
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, two other
age
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groups,
From
Fix capitalization
from
show examples
25 to 44 and 55 to
64
Punctuation problem
64,
show examples
fluctated
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fluctuated
around a generally increasing trend to
received
Verb problem
reach
show examples
the
paeks
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peaks
in 2006 at 80% and 50% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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