IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that the best way to protect the environment is for governments to impose strict laws on industries and individuals. Others think there are better ways to encourage environmental protection. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether it is the most effective
way
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 for governments to impose strict
laws
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 to protect the environment
or
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, or
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there
Correct word choice
whether there
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 are other better
ways
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.
Although
Linking Words
 strict
laws
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 can deter some environmentally harmful behaviours, I think other
ways
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like
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, like
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education
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education,
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 can have a long-term effect. On the one hand, making strict
laws
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 is the most straightforward
way
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 to protect the environment. Environmental degradation has “externalities”, meaning that many companies ignore their environmental responsibility in order to reduce the cost of production. Because it is impractical for voluntary environmental protection to cover all the high-polluting industries, governments making strict
laws
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 and emission standards is necessary. Through punishment and production bans to increase the cost of acting illegally, which will
enforce
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encourage
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 enterprises and individuals to alter their
behaviours
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviour
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.
As a result
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, contamination will be reduced massively and systematically.
On the other hand
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, relying solely on
laws
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 is unlikely to be the most effective
way
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 to protect
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
Although
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 strict
laws
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 may deter serious violations, compliance is driven by fear of punishment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the cost of enforcement is high, but once supervision is loosened, the contaminant will re-emerge. Simultaneously, environmental problems stem from individuals’ daily habits, which cannot be changed through occasional
sanction
Fix the agreement mistake
sanctions
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.
According to
Linking Words
 an investigation conducted in Shanghai, the students who receive regular environmental education acts 40% less
environmental
Replace the word
environmentally
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 harmful behaviours than those who don’t. In
this
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 sense, strict
laws
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 tend to treat the symptoms rather than address the roots of environmental degradation. From my point of view, other
ways
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 like education are better in regard
of
Change preposition
to
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 economics. As strict enforcement may overburden the government budget and consume judicial resources, other important social issues
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such
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, such
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 as healthcare and
infrastructure
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infrastructure,
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 will lack resources, which may lead to an unbalanced social development. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 strict
laws
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 would undoubtedly have some effectiveness,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not the best
way
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 in the long term. A better approach is to combine
laws
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 with other
ways
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raising
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of raising
show examples
 public awareness.

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structure
Add a clear plan sentence in the intro and make each paragraph have one main idea.
cohesion
Use simple link words and keep sentences clear to flow ideas.
language
Fix grammar and word choice; use easy words and clear examples.
content
The essay tries to show both sides and gives an view.
structure
It keeps a simple order: intro, two body parts, conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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