IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, technology is being widely spread. In the following years, technology will totally replace the teacher role in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Due to
Linking Words
 the advent of technology, many people believe that the role of teachers will be replaced by computers in the future. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 argument, because there are many benefits in learning when it is taught by lecturers rather than computers.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain my views with relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, teachers provide a structured learning experience.
In other words
Linking Words
, mentors are trained with different teaching techniques to modify their teaching methods
according to
Linking Words
 the needs of children. As an example, if a student is not understanding a complex concept, the lecturer can provide a detailed explanation
referring
Punctuation problem
, referring
show examples
 to some examples for better understanding.
However
Linking Words
, machine learning feels like reading a set of pre-instructed materials, which are not tailored
according to
Linking Words
 the student's needs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, lecturers are specialised in specific subject knowledge, thereby they are aware of all methodologies to teach in a better format.
Secondly
Linking Words
, trainers educate on moral values
while
Linking Words
 teaching academics.
In other words
Linking Words
, classroom learning inculcates good habits like sharing knowledge with fellow students
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and helping each other in project work.
Such
Linking Words
 habits can lead to better citizens
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 achieving academic excellence.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 skills cannot be gained if a child uses technology for education.
Moreover
Linking Words
, mentors can be better role models for many students who can motivate them to achieve success in life.
For instance
Linking Words
, the most famous scientist,
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
show examples
 Abdul Khalam, confessed in an interview that he was inspired by the knowledge of his college science teacher, which motivated him to be a scientist. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 technology is ubiquitous in
this
Linking Words
 modern world, in my opinion teacher's role cannot be replaced by the internet or machines.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are providing indispensable services in terms of teaching and inculcating moral values in children

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear, but add more proof and detail. Add more strong examples with simple facts to back each point. Also fix spelling and use one word for 'teacher' or 'lecturer' all through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas well. Use the order you start with and keep the same follow up words. Make every paragraph have one clear idea.
strength
Clear view and easy to read order.
strength
Use of clear sign post words like To begin with, Secondly, In conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: