IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

🔶More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. 🔸What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

The primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 engaging in
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet and regular
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 is to prevent chronic diseases. Many life-threatening diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as
cardiovuscular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
 disease or diabetes,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are directly related to
unhealth
Use the right word
unhealthy
show examples
 eating habits
amd
Correct your spelling
and
 irregular physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.
Miocardial
Correct your spelling
Myocardial
infraction
Use the right word
infarction
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
,
more
Verb problem
is more
show examples
 likely to
occurs
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
 in individuals who consume food
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 rich in carbohydrates, and lacks
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physial
Correct your spelling
physical
 activities.
Individual
Correct article usage
An individual
show examples
 who engages in regular gymnastic activities
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and follows a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 diet
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is less likely to develop cardiac conditions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Fix spell and use the right word. 'healthy' not 'unhealth', 'and' not 'amd'.
grammar
Use the word 'for' after 'reason' in 'the main reason for ...'. Keep grammar simple.
task response
Add how to make other people eat well and move. Give simple steps or tips.
structure
Make 2 or 3 small blocks: an intro, the idea, and a short end. This helps flow.
idea
The idea is easy to see: diet and work can stop ill health.
evidence
There is a real example about heart risk.
focus
The topic stays on diet and exercise.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: